Run, Run, Ezra

Bright orange shirt, and impish grin

Run, run, run

Shorts on bottom, today he's not a nudist*

Run, run, run

Lightning McQueen, Tow Mater

Run, run, run

Short blonde hair, denim blue eyes

Run, run, run

Lots of questions, I have no idea

Run, run, run

Constantly eating, where is the cereal

Run, run, run

MMA fighting, are you going to tap out

Run, run, run

Spiderman and Levi, those are my heroes

Run, run, run

Love playing football, I am contrary

Run, run, run

Ezra

*Ezra is not really a nudist. But he does love to run around (in the house) in just his unmentionables...he's 3, so we let him. =)

A Slow Goodbye

We are six days into Spring, and the snow is gently falling. 

Yesterday, the weather was truly spring-like, reaching into the low 60's.

The children, thrilled to be out of the house 

and not bogged down in mud, 

spent the day playing in the sunshine; 

in shirt sleeves and shorts, despite my

prostestations that wasn't *that* warm out.

Daddy and Logan took advantage of the beautiful day and 

spent it re-decking the porch

and giving it new stairs. 

Both of which were desperately needed.

Later today, after the snow quit falling 

and there was a lull in the rain,

they returned to the porch, 

making it a bit safer for the little set,

adding rustic posts and top rails made of branches 

blown off our trees this past winter.

Apple branches will likely be the lower rails, but until we can

get them brought home, 

1x2's make for temporary railing.

I love these early Spring days, 

bringing the urgency of outdoor projects 

and new life.

Raking the yard, beginning to prepare the garden area,

fixing broken windows in the greenhouse.

Checking on the berry bushes and herbs

planted last year

and

seeing leaves beginning to bud 

and plants starting to green.

And yet amidst that, there are still remnants of Winter.

Cold winds, rain, snow.

Weather perfect for settling in next to the fire

with a hot cup of tea and my Bible ~

or a small child

or three

and a pile of picture books.

While each season holds its own fascination,

tugging at my heart for reasons

no other season has,

Winter is truly my favorite.

I love the quietness brought by snow,

the warmth imbued to a cold winter night by lights 

shining through windows.

I love the romance and coziness of candlelight and fire,

I love flannel and woolens

and all things snuggle worthy.

And so, while everyone else runs out the door 

and embraces the first flush of Spring,

I move slowly toward it,

savoring the dying embers of Winter's life.

Soon enough, Spring will be here in full force ~

no turning back.

And then, for her moment,

she will be my favorite.

Until then, I will cherish these last moments 

with my dear Winter.

Legacy...For better or worse

Someone who impacted my life in a tremendous way died this week. Monday morning, my biological father passed from this life into eternity. He was in his eighties and had not been in good health for several years, but this last year he had been in especially poor health...going back and forth between the nursing home and hospital.

I had gotten a call from my step brother a month or so ago saying that the end was closer, and it probably wouldn't be long. So, the call that came Monday afternoon was no surprise. I was in fact, thankful. I had been praying for mercy for him, and I believe that is what God showed Monday morning. He went quickly and now his suffering is over.

I was not close with my father. He left when I was quite small. He was an alcoholic and abusive and when I was probably 3 or 4 he and my Mom were divorced. I have memories from around the time I was 2 or 3, and they are not good memories. For many, many years I hated him. The few memories I had were horrible, and then to build on that he would promise to come see us and then never show up. I can remember him calling and wanting to talk to me, and me refusing.

The first opportunity I had to really exercise forgiveness as a young Christian was my father. About the time I got into Jr. High, I began to realize that while we are all sinners, we are not our sin. Our sin does not, or rather, should not define us. And, I was able to begin to see my father in a new light. I knew that I needed to forgive him and move forward. For years, I had gone by my Dad's (step-dad...but he's my Dad) name, and had desperately wanted him to adopt me, but that had never come to fruition. Finally along about 7th grade, I began to use my legal maiden name. My Dad was hurt, I know, but for me it was an Ebenezer of sorts...signifying what God was doing in my heart and of me coming to a point of forgiveness toward my father.

My father and step-mom lived in Alaska for most of my growing up years...and into my adulthood, so I never saw much of them. My step-mom would write, sending birthday and Christmas cards, and the occasional letter. I began to write to them as well, trying in some way to include them in my life. If it had not been for my step-mom's efforts, I don't think any of us kids would have ever had contact with my father.

When Mike and I got married, my Dad walked me down the aisle. I never even considered contacting my father to see if he would be interested, because he was not a real part of my life. As grandbabies began to arrive, I would send announcements and pictures, but sometimes not until Christmas.

Several years ago, they moved down from Alaska to Washington, within a couple or three hours from us. My father's health was beginning to deteriorate, and it was getting difficult for my step-mom to care for him on her own. They moved to where they could be close to her kids and she would have help. We made it up to their place once with all the kids to visit. When we would get a call that one or the other was in the hospital, I always made an effort to go and see them. In the last few years, I really went more for my step-mom. My father was getting very difficult to understand, and, he had never really been much for talking...not to me anyway. My step-mom had devoted her life to him. What a precious example of 'for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health'. When he was in the hospital, or the nursing home, she would have her son bring her to be by his side each morning, staying all day, until he came in the evening to bring her home.

As I have received condolences this week, I have thought a lot about the impact we have on our children and the legacy we leave. I did love him. I tried to honor him, although I know that I often failed. With his passing, I have not shed a tear. I feel no sorrow. He was, at best, on the periphery of my life. His choice, not necessarily mine, although somewhat by default, it was mine as well. I mourned the absence of his presence a long time ago, and so there is really nothing to mourn now. It was more like losing a distant relative that I had seen now and then but had no relationship with, rather than losing a parent. I have a Dad, and he is still alive and well.

My father had been sober for many, many years. He had wonderful relationships with his wife's family. So, he had kids and grandkids and great-grandkids that all were a part of his life and who thought the world of him. I am glad. There are 4 pretty terrific families that he missed out on, because he walked away from them a long time ago, and that is sad, but we have all come to various points of peace over it and it is what it is.

God has used my childhood...my brother's childhoods to shape us into the people we are. He gave us a great Dad, and I am so very thankful for that. He took four children who lived through a lot of hurt and drew each of them to Himself and we are each serving the Lord in various ways, and raising our children to love the Lord.

My cousin wrote a note telling about the good memories she has of my father, wishing my kids could have known the man he once was. I appreciated that. I wish they could have known him too, especially who he once was. 
This is somewhat disjointed. I apologize. But...I wanted to acknowledge his passing. He is part of the reason I am who I am today. He's the reason that promises are so important to me...don't make a promise you can't keep. He's the reason I was never tempted to be a partier when I was a teen. He's the first 'lesson' God gave me in extending grace and forgiveness. He's part of the reason I'm here. Period. I am thankful that he was my father, even if he never was a Daddy to me. I am thankful that he accepted the Lord several years ago. I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. And I am thankful that when I think of him, I think of a man. A man who struggled and sinned and had faults, but a man. I don't think of him and think of his sin. We are not our sin...we are not our struggles...
And I am so very thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who has loved me in spite of my sins and struggles and shown me that truth.

Someday, I will see my father again, and I am thankful for that, too.

Jethro is 2!

We once again have a two year old in the house.

Sunday was Jethro's birthday.

This year was low-key. No large celebrations.

But, all the kids were here, plus a couple extra (girlfriends),

and we had a good afternoon of eating and visiting 

and cake and presents.

Although Jethro was not that interested in opening presents.

He was happy to play with his toy after it was open,

but if it hadn't been for helpful siblings, his presents would

still be wrapped.

He loves Lightning McQueen, so of course he had to have a cars cake.

Here's the birthday boy, rockin' his new Under Armour shirt.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!

He didn't get the whole, blowing out the candles idea. He just wanted to grab them. Daddy blew them out for him. =)

Playing with his new wheelies construction ramp...I think all the littles loved it.

Birthday parties are EXHAUSTING! =)

We are so thankful for 2 years with Jethro!

God has sustained him and caused him to flourish. 

He is doing so well right now, and if it weren't for his

scars, and the amount of sleep he needs, 

you wouldn't know that this baby was

DOA. 

Tobias

Just a couple weeks after Will and Andie got married, our family expanded again. My due date with this baby was the 3d of October. But, on the morning of September 6, I woke up to a gush of blood. I woke Mike and he called the ambulance. When the ambulance crew got here, they told him that they had already called for the life flight. I was pretty sure we had lost the baby, but Mike kept saying, "No, he's okay. He's fine."

But, I couldn't get him to move. When the EMT's got here, one of them listened to my belly with a stethescope and told me that the baby was fine. NOTE to EMTs...*that* is not reassuring to a Mama! Maybe, perhaps if it had been someone that I know is familiar with prenatal or birth situations...but it was not. He wanted to check me, to make sure baby wasn't crowning and I told him, "NO." After 10 babies, I think I know what labor is, and this was NOT labor!

When the helicopter got here, it was so small that Mike could not ride with me, so he had to follow on the ground. I had to ride shotgun to the pilot ~ oh, and I don't like heights or flying...so that was fun. :-P I was pretty certain that once we got to the hospital, they would just send me in for an emergency c-section. However, first the Dr. ordered an ultrasound to check on baby. And they got a doppler ~ what a *precious* sound that baby's heartbeat was! I was so relieved...although by then I knew he was alive, because as soon as we were in the air, he began to move. Ultrasound showed that baby looked good and was doing okay, despite the abruption. The Dr. really preferred to do a section, but agreed that as long as everything looked okay with baby and me, we could proceed with labor and a natural birth. I was so very thankful. The one time/place I was not expecting to get my VBA2C. So, knowing full well the risks involved with both a repeat c-section and with laboring...we proceeded with labor ~ and the hospital staff prepared for worse case scenario. Which meant big needles in my arm, that were hard to place, but I was good with that.

Labor had actually started by the time I got to the hospital, and all day and into the evening, I labored...not strong, hard contractions, but just enough to let me know that we were having a baby. Finally, late in the evening, I told the nurse that if the Dr. would break my water, we would most likely have a baby soon. He came in about midnight and broke my water. By 2 am, I was pushing and pushing and pushing. After 2 hours of pushing, we had a baby! I had such a hard time...and at one point decided I was done and would go ahead with a section, but the Dr. came in and said, "No." So, I pushed. Some time during labor, the baby had turned posterior (I know he didn't start that way, because I asked when they did the u/s), and after my last couple of births, I just had a very difficult time not fighting against the pain of the contractions. After being cut a couple times, those muscles just don't work the same either. :-/ But, we were so very thankful for a healthy, live baby, and I was thrilled with having a VBAC!

Tobias James was premature by 4 weeks, and still weighed in at a whopping 8lb 15oz. Nice little preemie, wasn't he? ;-) Needless to say, I am thankful he was premature! Had he gone to term, I'm not sure I could have done it. He could have been up to 4 pounds heavier at term.

I lost a lot of blood, so we were in the hospital for a few days following the birth so that they could give me transfusions and be sure that I was good to come home.

Sweet 'little' preemie! I was so relieved to finally hold him in my arms!

Tobias is such a joy to our family, and we feel so very blessed that the Lord chose us to be his family. He is a chunky baby, and such a happy disposition! Jethro adores being a big brother and loves to give his baby kisses. :-)

Baby in a basket. Daddy took some adorable pictures of Tobias once we got home.

And here he is at 5 months. Happy, healthy and almost always with a smile on that chubby little face. :-)

The Wedding

2011 brought some big changes and additions to our family. The biggest change was that in August, our oldest son, Will, got married. What an exciting time! It was thrilling to watch him go through a courtship, and move into this new season of life. His bride is from Iowa and they were introduced by a family member/friend. Andie had been a huge support throughout Jethro's first year, praying for him and encouraging me with her upbeat outlook. So, she had won our hearts long before we knew she would be our daughter in law.

They got married on a beautiful August evening, in the yard of some dear friends. It wasn't a big fancy, tens of thousands kind of wedding, but I think that made it all the more special. They had a pretty small budget to work with, and it was a very lovely wedding. God has placed some very talented and creative folks around us...and it was a little redneck-y too, which added to the charm!

Our last picture with Will as a single man. By my belly, you can tell what our other big change may have been last year. ;-)

Pak, Daddy and the boys. From left to right...in front, Ezra and Josiah (Daddy is holding Jethro). Back: Logan, Levi, Pak, Will, Daddy, and Garth. Aren't they a good looking bunch of guys? 

 

 

 

The kiss!

This was Will and Andie's *first kiss* How special is that, and how often do you see that? It was a very special moment...and long awaited! :-)

Mr and Mrs Charles William Dole

Wow. They have been married for just over 6 months now. I so look forward to seeing how God is going to bless their marriage. They are both very ministry minded, and Will is working on getting a Biblical education and gaining some maturity/wisdom so that eventually he can pastor.

God Speaks My Love Language

Yesterday, as I was driving to town for a midwife appt, I was listening to Dr. Gary Chapman on Chris Fabry Live. They began by talking about Dr. Chapman's new book, God Speaks Your Love Language. Dr. Chapman spoke more specifically about how God speaks to us in our love language when He brings us to salvation, but as I was driving, I was overwhelmed by God's love and care for me when Tucker died, almost 7 years ago.

My love language is quality time. And the morning that Tucker died, God showed up. Physically. He knew I needed Him desperately that morning, and He was here. Where we live is almost always windy, we almost never have fog because of the wind. The morning Tucker was born was a glorious, sun-shiney day at the end of July. That morning, as friends began arriving at our home, they noticed that the house (and only the house) was shrouded in a cloud. Clouds are mentioned just over a hundred times in Scripture and all but a small handful of those times the cloud represents the presence of God. I know that God showed up here to comfort and hold me as the realization that my son was dead hit me, as I sank into the deepest grief a Mama can. As my heart was shattered into a million pieces, God was here. My precious Father, who freely gave His son, so that I could spend eternity with Him, came and spoke my love language, came and held me as I grieved.

I don't have any idea how many times I have told people over the years that God's presence was so *tangible* to me during that time. I have always recognized God being here ~ especially in that initial, horrible time. I often call it the most horrible, precious time. Horrible because we were living such a nightmare, and yet precious because we were able to lift our eyes and praise our God in the midst of it ~ surrounded by those who loved us, and encouraged us in our faith. But, until yesterday, I had never made the connection that God was "speaking" to me. That He was showing me love in the way He created me to "see" love. I am undone. To think of the depth of His loving care, for a simple woman such as I...What words can I share to express the depth of realization that came to me? They all seem so inadequate.

Thankfulness

Someone asked the other day how, in the midst of everything that's going on, can I be thankful without feeling saccharine sweet? :-) Let me assure you, I am not saccharine sweet!

So, here is my answer. God is always worthy of our praise and thanksgiving, no matter what is going on in our lives. It's hard to remember in the society we live in, but really, it *not* all about me. It is about God and Him glorified.

I never ignore or deny what we are going through. It's hard. To have a baby born with an incompatible with life diagnosis, to have gone through 3 surgeries and multiple hospitalizations, to have your house burn down in the midst of it, to have struggles with some of the healthy children...none of it is easy ~ most of it makes you want to hole up somewhere until a better day comes! Some of it, I have a harder time with. Why for example, does a baby, who has to have multiple IV lines, blood draws, etc., have veins that are almost impossible to get with a needle? When they do get an access line, it often blows quickly. Guess what? THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! To have to hold your screaming baby so that a nurse or doctor can do a painful procedure ~ TOTALLY goes against every mothering instinct you have, but to not be the one to hold and comfort just isn't an option either! So, I acknowledge these things. That doesn't mean that there isn't plenty to be thankful for in the midst of the trial. And sometimes I don't feel very thankful, but I look for things to be thankful for anyway.

I learned a long time ago, that being thankful helps me to keep from depression. It's not that I have never been depressed ~ I have buried a son and suffered a devastating miscarriage while in the worst of the grieving process. I do know depression. I remember telling someone that I couldn't even say I was in the valley of the shadow of death because there would be some hint of light in the shadow, I felt like I was in the abyss, totally surrounded by darkness. I couldn't see God's hand, I couldn't feel His presence. I couldn't help myself other than to lay at the feet of Father God and plead for His help. I would pray and acknowledge what I was feeling, if I was starting to believe my feelings, I would acknowledge that as sin, and then I would pray what I knew to be truth. That God will never leave me nor forsake me, that He never changes, He comforts the broken hearted, etc. It took a while, but God slowly brought me out of my depression. But involved in that process was thankfulness. I still tried to make the effort to be thankful.

Hebrews 13:15 says, "Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name." (emphasis mine) Praise, thanksgiving is a sacrifice. That means that it's not always easy, but it is always necessary. Thanksgiving isn't denying the trials and tribulations, pretending that they don't exist. Thanksgiving is a heart attitude that looks above the trials in the eyes of Father God and recognizes that He is in the midst of them along with you. It is recognizing that He is worthy no matter what.

Today is the 10th, so here is my list of 10 things to be thankful for.

1. That I live on the 3d rock from the sun. What a gorgeous place created specifically by God for His children. He created everything 'just so', so that it's perfect for life. 
2. The strengthening bonds between my children because of Jethro and his heart.
3. A thankful heart.
4. A beautiful new front door for our home.
5. 2 'new to us' beautiful dresses for the girls.
6. A godly mom.
7. A dad who is knowledgeable in so many areas and his willingness to take his grandsons alongside and teach them.
8. A crisp clear fall day.
9. A job for my Beloved that allows him plenty of time for building our house.
10. A washing machine ~ I am soooo thankful that I don't have to do laundry by hand! :-)

I hope that you will take time today to think about what you are thankful for.

5 Things to Be Thankful For

Today I am thankful for:

*Outstanding Dr.s and nurses who have cared for Jethro over the last 8 months.

*A home that is being built through God's provision

*A safe football season

*Perspective

*Meat in the freezer



What are you thankful for today?

Being Thankful in November

I am thankful everyday. :-) God is so very gracious to me and my precious family, I can't help but be thankful. However, there is a challenge going around on Facebook to be thankful for something everyday in November. Well, I'm here to up the anti! I challenge you to find the same number of things to be thankful for as it is the day. So, today is the 4th, find 4 things to be thankful for. By the end of the month, you should have a big ol' list!

One of the best ways I have found for staying out of depression or for avoiding pity parties is to look to my Father in thankfulness. It's hard to be down when you are counting your blessings.

So today, I am thankful for:

*Little boys with BIG stories!

*Garth Tyree who is 16 years old today

*Time spent with my Beloved this evening

*A warm, snug home on a chilly morning

So, what are you thankful for today?

Pictures from September

September has been a full and busy month! We have had 2 birthdays, multiple therapy and doctor appts., football games, company and mud football...oh, and we're building a house! :-P Here are some pictures to share what's been going on this month.



Logan, #33 playing football in Mullan. Our team 45'd Mullan! First win of the season.




Kathleen's 10th birthday. We had some friends over for a tea. :-) It was an enjoyable afternoon.



Progress on the house. Trusses are up, sheeting is on...now for the dormers and interior.

Andie (from Iowa), Josiah and Ezra. Andie was the *BIG* excitement for our month. :-D

Garth running an amazing touchdown! His first of the night against rival Wallace. He also got an inception which he ran for a touchdown.

Jethro (now 7 months!) enjoying a day outside...while his siblings played mud football.

Will (on his 20th birthday) and Andie. In case you can't tell, they have been playing mud football. :-)

Levi and Jade. Yep, they were playing in the mud too. :-)

This is Ruth. She's a sweetie (and muddy!). She's Garth's girl.

Jethro is doing well. He had a cardiologist appt last week, and we don't have to go back until November! That was very exciting news...although I don't know what I'm going to do with all my extra time now! ;-) We are going in every week anyway for physical therapy and feeding and growth clinic. He also has a therapist that comes to the house, but he is far enough behind that we are taking advantage of both. He is growing like a bad weed, weighing in at over 16lbs. Not overly big for a Dole baby, but for a heart baby, he's growing great! I can't tell you how encouraging it is to me to go to the therapists, or doctor, or to talk with his nutritionist and have them be so happy about his progress. God has been and continues to be so very gracious to Jethro and to us.

Football is going well. The middle school team (Mike's coaching again this year) is undefeated so far, and the high school team is 2-2. Both of their losses have been less than 1 touchdown, so, while disappointing, we are encouraged that they are playing well, and continuing to push through the end of the game. The loss this last Friday came after both Garth and their lead running back were injured. The team continued to rally and play hard, but they couldn't keep the lead. I should also share that both of their wins have been 45s (mercy rule ~ for those that don't know, in 8 man football, when one team is ahead by 45 points, the game ends).

The girls are keeping busy with school work and being the water girls for the middle school football team. The little boys...well, they are just busy! :-D

6 Years Ago Today...

I was thrown into the deepest, worst grief I could imagine. At about 6:45 in the morning, our precious son, whom we had waited so patiently for, was born into the arms of Jesus. The first moments of horror, as I delivered a lifeless baby, whose cord had broken just moments before birth...The frantic calls for prayers, praying ~ asking God for a miracle. Pleading with Him to not require this sacrifice of me. The realization that He would not answer those prayers in the affirmative, but that our feet had been placed on the path of grieving. The trail that runs through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Those first moments when we were surrounded by friends and family. Those who loved and knew us best cleaning up Tucker's precious body, dressing him, holding him, loving him and us.

The most horrible, precious day of my life. A day when God showed up. A day that began a journey of drawing nearer my Father ~ who had brought this "tragedy" into my life because He loves me. Because He desires to mold me into the imagine of His Son. A day that became the start of tremendous spiritual growth on my part.

Since that day, I have learned much of the sovereignty of God. I have learned much of His faithfulness. Of His sustaining power. Of the feel of His arms surrounding me, as I crumble and fall, and can't make it past the boulders in the lane. He lifts me up and carries me, when I can go no further myself. I have learned much of the fickleness of my own character, and longed for the peace that only comes from looking into my Father's eyes and saying, "I trust You." To finally come to that place of peace and contentment. Hard won, but oh so worth it.

I have pondered much that time in these last 9 months. Becoming more and more thankful that God brought us into and through that time. As we once again entered stormy seas with Jethro's diagnosis, I was able to look into the face of my Savior and step out of the boat. There have been times when I have looked away from His face, only to begin sinking ~ drowning in the circumstances I find myself, but then I look again to His face and all is well. I long for him to tell the storm to be still; but instead He looks into my eyes, and says, "Be still, know that I am God. Trust Me." And when I do that, I find that it is even better than if He had calmed the storm.

I long to hold my son. I would love to have the privilege of raising him up to be a godly man, to watch him run and play with his brothers and sisters, to hug and kiss him and to receive all those sweet, snotty, dirty hugs and kisses that little boys give. And yet I know that if his life would have glorified God more than his death, he would be living now. In a way that I cannot comprehend, Tucker's death glorified God more than his life would have. I do not understand. But I trust. I know that God sat me on His lap that morning six years ago, and many times since then, and He wept along with me. Knowing and understanding the pain I was in. How my heart was shattered and how broken I was. And then He took those tears and placed them in a bottle. I cried many, many tears but now, 6 years later, I don't remember them all. But my Father does. He remembers each one.

Today has been a sweet day. Not melancholy as I anticipated. But a day to be thankful. A day of remembrance. A day with chocolate cupcakes to remember a brother that won't be known until Heaven someday. A day to remember that this life is but a breath, and I will have eternity with my son ~ worshiping the One who created us both and loves us dearly.

I'll leave you with a song that accompanied much of my deep grief. There is no video, it's just audio, but it is a precious song ~ and I'm certain if you have lost a child, it will touch your heart.

I love you, Tucker Joe, play in peace sweet boy.

Tucker Joe Dole

July 25, 2004

Into the arms of Jesus

The Daddy of our house

A Daddy is someone who loves you unconditionally, who is there for you when you are down, who rejoices with you when you rejoice, who cheers you on when you are striving. A man who lovingly guides and directs, who disciples and when necessary, disciplines.

My children are blessed with such a man.

Thank you sweetie, for all you do. We love and respect you.

Happy Father's Day.

Still in the Hospital ~

Ugh. As I was typing the title to this post, my computer let me know that I have used it before. :-P Oh well. We were really hoping to be discharged today. Now we're really hoping to be discharged tomorrow. :-/ I have a sneaking suspicion that if Dr. Jensen had been on today, we would be on our way home, but one of the other cardiologists was on today, so here we sit. Please do not misunderstand. They are all wonderful Dr.s and we are so appreciative of them and the care they give Jethro. However we have worked with one or two more than the rest, and so I believe they give a little more leeway when decision making, just because they know us a little better.

However, I am trusting that it's not this Dr or that Dr who is guiding this whole process, but God. And we are where we need to be. Whether it's so that when we do go home we know that Jethro is stable, or because he's going to have some more problems...I don't know, but I do know that when home is the best place for him to be, then we will be there.

So, why are we still here? Jethro was stable throughout yesterday and last night. His heart rhythm looks good for him. But, his INR (coumadin) level was on the high side and so, Dr. G felt more comfortable with us staying an extra day and having that level re-checked in the morning. The whole INR thing is a delicate dance, and definately not an exact science. We have to adjust his dosing pretty much every time he gets his levels checked, which varies from once to twice a week.

We are also working on feeding issues. When you're 3 months old, and have never taken much, let alone the majority of your nutrition by mouth...this becomes something you have to learn. He does not have an oral aversion, which is a huge blessing, but he's not too sure about stuff coming out of a nipple and going down his throat. However, they did a swallow study this morning (very interesting to watch!), and he swallows well. So, we are just going to go very slowly with him. We are going to start with a bottle-less nipple and just use a syringe to add liquid to it. As he gets used to that and takes more milk that way, we will move him toward a bottle. Please pray that this process goes well.

So, that is where we are at the moment, and what we are doing. :-)

Track season is over. Levi ran the 110 and 300 meter hurdles at State. He did not make it out of the preliminaries for the 110, although he did take 4th in his heat. He took 7th overall in the 300 hurdles, just missing getting a medal by 1 place. He was disappointed, but his Dad and I are very proud of him. Lakeside does not have a track for these kids to practice on, and they only have 2 hurdles that they set up on the football field, when you then consider that Levi is built like a football player and not a hurdler...well, he did great!

Still in the Hospital...

and you know you've been there too long when the cafeteria staff starts asking if you're an employee.

I talked with Dr. Jensen yesterday. He was very pleased with how Jethro has handled this surgery and the stress it entailed. We were going home today...unless I felt like we needed another day or so. Shortly after talking with Dr. Jensen, Jethro's heart went into some very funky rhythms and he kept setting off alarms. His heart rate spiked, and at times was well over 200. So, we are now in the PICU.

They are not doing "ICU things", but they can keep a closer eye on him in the PICU than on the intermediate floor, and our wonderful Dr.s are just careful with Jethro...which makes his Mama happy. :-) One of the other cardiologists is on call starting today, and his "specialty" if you will, is heart rhythms, so it will be interesting to get his perspective on what is going on. Dr. Jensen thought it still likely that we will get to go home tomorrow. Please pray toward that end.

Jethro had a good night, and was sleeping when I got to his room this morning, so I am in the cafeteria finishing up breakfast and updating you all here.

On another note, Levi made it to the State Track Meet in the 110 and 300m hurdles! Yesterday were the prelims and he took 4th in his heat of the 110, although that was not good enough to get him to the finals; and he took 4th in his heat of the 300 ~ which WAS good enough to get him to the finals! I believe that 1st and 2nd place automatically advance, and then they go by times. If you are reading this early enough in the day, and have high speed internet, you can go to idahosports.com and they are live-streaming the track meet. I am so thankful that even though Jethro and I are in Spokane, in the hospital, I am able to watch Levi compete and cheer him on...even though he can't hear me. :-) Technology can be such a wonderful blessing! The 300 hurdles will run about noonish Mountain time.

Surgery Next Week

Yesterday, Jethro had an appointment with Dr. Jensen. They did a follow-up echo and things are looking pretty good. His body is slowly working on absorbing the clot in his heart, and the shunt is functioning as it should. Jethro is now 11 pounds (by my scale, their office scale doesn't have him at quite that much), but they would really like to see him gain weight better than he is.

So, it's time to "pull the trigger" as Dr. Jensen refers to it, and move ahead with a G-tube. So, instead of having a feeding tube running through his nose and into his stomach, there will be direct access to his stomach, through his tummy. We have heard good and bad stories about G-tubes, but more moms have told me what a blessing the g-tube was for their child. I am trusting that it will be for us as well. Dr. J also told me that it thought it would simply things following Jethro's next heart surgery, because we won't have to deal with feeding issues to be able to come home. He'll have his g-tube, I'll already be comfortable using it, so feeding will be a non-issue.

We'll go in on Monday afternoon. I think the cardiologists have some stuff they're going to do...tests and such, the feeding team with be working with us (we are NOT going to stop working towards oral feeds!), and then Wednesday morning he'll have surgery to place the G-tube. While not overly anxious, I am not looking forward to sending Jethro into another surgery. It's just not an easy thing for a Mama to do, even when you know that it will ultimately help them ~ or be their only chance...it's still difficult. But, I know that I can trust God to watch over him while I cannot, and I have no doubt that God will be right there in the OR, guiding the Dr.'s hands.

Please pray for:

• wisdom for the feeding team. Jethro has a body-wide rash. The GP we see thought that it was just eczema, but it doesn't look like it to me. The speech therapist that we saw yesterday was concerned about it as well. We think it's likely an allergic rash. So, we need wisdom to figure out what exactly is going on.
• guidance for the surgeon's hands. His name is Dr. Chan, and we would appreciate prayers for steady hands on Wednesday morning.
• Mike and the other children. I'm not sure how things are going to work at home quite yet. Ezra is sticks pretty close to me ever since Jethro was discharged last month, so I expect this will be difficult for him.
• for plans for the kids and where they will be/who will take care of them to come together.
• that I would figure out the new feeding stuff quickly, and that Jethro will heal well and there would be no complications ~ so we can get home that much sooner.

Also, we have gotten a settlement from the insurance company! Thank you, Lord!! We are now beginning the process of figuring out what we want to do for a house ~ stick frame, post and beam, modular, etc., and looking at house plans. We would appreciate prayers for wisdom in this process.

I'm off to fry some chicken and boil potatoes for salad. We leave for Kamiah tomorrow. Levi and Garth are both competing at the regional track meet, so we will be going down to cheer them on.

Quick Update

Just a quick update. We do have internet, but it's dial-up, so I am trying to not spend a great deal of time online, since it ties up the phone.

We are in the rental. It is a lovely older home, built in 1914 with craftsman styling. Lots of lovely woodwork in the living areas of the house. We are still without dressers and table and chairs and living room chairs, but we have a couple of couches, beds and a picnic table to eat at, so we are content.

Jethro is doing well. Other than his feeding tube, to look at him, you would never guess that he has a very serious heart condition. He is creeping ever closer to the 10 lb mark. It is so odd to have a baby that is two months old and not yet a pound over his birth weight ~ and to be happy with his weight gain! We had a quick trip to the hospital on Friday. Jethro's INR (the level of Coumadin in his blood) was 7.5 (they want it between 2.5 and 3.5). So, since we were heading into the weekend, the cardiologist wanted us at the hospital where they could keep a close eye on Jethro. Once we got there, they did another check of his INR, and it was 4.5 ~ still high, but not dangerously so. With it as high as it was in the morning, they were concerned about a brain bleed or other internal bleeding. So, we got to come home. Not necessarily how I want to spend my afternoons, but I would rather that they be overly cautious with Jethro than just assume things will be okay and then end up in a crisis situation. And, I must say that we are blessed with wonderful cardiologists who are really on top of things. I have learned that if they aren't concerned, then I probably don't need to be either ~ they are cautious yet practical, definitely a good combination in a Dr!

Josiah had a wagon accident the other night and got to make a trip to the ER. He cried until Garth told him he would likely end up with a sucker at the hospital. On the way in, Levi called his girlfriend and let Si talk to her, and then he texted me. It was all good. :-) Until they started giving him shots to numb things up and started stitching. I called while they were stitching and he was crying for me. :-( This is only the 2d ER trip I haven't made, and there's not much harder on a Mama's heart than not being able to be there when your youngin's are hurt and wanting you. Si ended up with 12 stitches, although it could have easily have been 24, the Dr. spaced them out quite a bit, and now he is quite swollen ~ his right eye is totally swollen shut this morning, causing a good deal of distress when he woke and couldn't see out of it.

So, that is the major points of update on the clan. :-) Thanks for all your prayers, please continue to pray for Jethro. Although they were okay with his weight gain, he does need to be gaining more weight. They would really like to see him gain 20 grams a day and he's not there yet. If he doesn't gain adequately, they will move ahead with putting in a g-tube, which we would really like to avoid ~ mostly because it would mean one more surgery for the little punkin.

1 Month Old!!

 Jethro chewing on his cannula

Today is a pretty exciting day. Jethro is one month old...not bad for a baby they didn't expect to live a week, and that had to be resusitated when he was born. This little guy definitely has some spunk! :-)

Progress is being made, slowly, but surely. Today he is off the antibiotics for the NEC, they are giving him more FFP (Frozen Fresh Plasma) to help with dissolving the blood clot (which is getting smaller), and they are talking about pulling the femoral line that they put in day before yesterday. Today or tomorrow ~ tomorrow I think, they will begin starting to feed him again. Please pray that feeding goes well, and that his tummy can tolerate it. If he doesn't do well eating ~ nursing or taking a bottle ~ they will put a g-tube in. This would not be the end of the world, but it is something we would like to avoid.

 Still no real news on the house. We are still waiting on the insurance to decide if they think we should fix it or rebuild...they have a formula. :-) At this point we are looking for a rental, possibly or preferably between home and Spokane, so that we can be together, but I can easily/fairly quickly get into the hospital, and split my days between Jethro and the rest of the family.

Ezra has spent the week sick. Will took him to the dr. this morning, and they believe that he has a bacterial infection and his lungs are congested. They did test him for RSV, although they didn't think that was what he has. He is one sick little boy though, not being able to keep anything down. :-( Please pray for his health, and that of the rest of the clan...including Grammie and Pak. Grammie is a treasure, watching after all the kids and being up with Ezra during the night.

God is doing amazing things for our family and providing so abundantly ~ in everything from the small day-to-day needs to big ticket items for Jethro's benefit auction. We are so thankful to Him and to all of you who are truly being the hands of God to our family right now. Thank you!

Trial by Fire

As many of you will already know, our house burnt yesterday. This was a shocker, and pretty devastating when we got the news. I just thought, "Lord, what are You doing? I can't take much more!" By afternoon and after a lot of tears, I was beginning to think, "Lord, what are You up to?" (In a much more expectant and hopeful way) Perhaps because we are dealing with life and death issues with Jethro, perhaps because none of the children were in danger, perhaps because there may be some salvageable things from the house, perhaps because of all those things, I am on a pretty even keel as far as the loss of the house goes. Don't misunderstand me, I am grieving the loss of our home...and the precious things within it ~ things that have been handed down through the family, things that cannot be replaced, but in the grand scheme of things, they are just that, things. I am confident that God will provide for us. I do not know how exactly, but I know He will.

The folks in our community are already showing us an outpouring of love and care, and we are so deeply grateful ~ we just don't know how we need help at the moment. Having never gone through anything like this, we are still trying to get our bearings and figure out what the next step is.

The kids are doing okay. Kathleen was heart-broken over the loss of her birds, but I just let her cry until she was done. It's hard when you're nine, and your pets die in a fire. Thankfully, the little boys are too little to really comprehend what's going on.

Jethro is doing well for the most part. They did MRI's yesterday and today and basically took pictures of his entire body, looking for clots or evidence of strokes. The only clot they found was the one they knew he had in his heart. They did however, find a bleed on his brain. This could complicate how they are going to deal with the clot. They will do another CT scan tomorrow to see if the bleed has grown. If it has, they will have to stop giving him blood thinners (which they have been using to try to reduce the clot), and he will likely have to have another open heart surgery to remove the clot.

Our prayer requests would be:

• That the bleed has not grown and the clot has reduced in size. Negating the need for another surgery so soon after the first.
• There are some things possibly happening as far as the house is concerned. Pray that God would make the way clear before us. We do not want to push or make assumptions, we just want to stay out of the way and let God do what He will do.
• Please pray for the other kids. Losing your home is a pretty devastating thing ~ especially when you've been looking forward to the day everyone will be home together. Now, by the time we have a home again, both Levi and Will will be out of it and gone. My Mama's heart might need some prayer in that area as well.
  

We praise God for:

• His provision and protection over our family. It is very sobering to think that that might have happened when there were children at home. I am sooo thankful that I didn't have to worry about the safety of any of them, while wondering if the house was burning to the ground.
• Jethro doing as well as he is. Even with the setbacks, in the grand scheme of things, Jethro is recovering quite well. Not bad for a baby who wasn't supposed to make it very long!
• 3 precious, beautiful weeks with Jethro. I can't believe he's 3 weeks old already, and everyday with him is truly a miracle.
• precious items that weren't lost in the fire. God protected Tucker's baby book, and most of the other photo albums. Some of the heirloom rings I have and my wedding set were spared even though they were in the heat of the fire.

Once again, thank you for all your prayers...they are what keep us going!

Dedication

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord."
1 Sam. 1:27-28

Wednesday was Levi's 18th birthday. I can't believe he's 18!! So, we decided that we would have everyone come up to the hospital and have a birthday party in the family waiting room outside the NICU and to have Jethro dedicated as well. It is important to us that however long the Lord has granted Jethro to live, that his life glorify the Lord, and so the reason to dedicate this dear child.

Our dear friends, Brian, Julianne, and John Primer came up (it was Julianne's birthday as well), and our pastor and his wife, Dave and Debby. Before we got around to going in to dedicate Jethro, another pastor friend and his wife showed up to visit, Randy and Marie. So, when we went in, we had about 20 people ~ including Grammie and Levi's boss, Jerry (who also happens to be a good family friend).

What a precious time we had, 3 pastors praying over our precious, fragile son...that we would have the opportunity to raise him up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, that the Lord would reach down and touch his body and heal him, that we would walk through His will in a way that glorifies Him. They anointed him with oil, and then Mike and Will also prayed. It was definitely a "holy goosebump" time together.

And then there was the paparazzi. Somebody, who will remain nameless (Daddy!), gave Josiah the camera. So, while the men are praying, and the children are crying, Josiah (almost 4) is busy clicking away (click/flash, click/flash, click/flash, click/flash), taking pictures...mostly of everyone's feet. However, like any good paparazzi that goes out and wastes rolls of film, he did get some clear, usable pictures. And provided some levity to the day.

Earlier in the day, my dear friends, Tiff and Dae, had showed up with tea ~ complete with china and a table cloth. Dan and Jan had stopped by to visit as well, so Jan, Tiff, Dae, and I had all sat down and had tea and visited. What a lovely bunch of women that God has surrounded me with! They know what TLC is all about!