CHD Awareness...A Double Portion

And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before...And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning.

Job 42:10, 12a

As the Bible relates Job's story, we learn that everything is stripped from Job. His children die, he loses his belongings, he didn't have the support of his friends. Even his wife encouraged him to curse God and die. Yet though he does not understand, and even questions God, Job does remain faithful and teachable. When all is said and done, God blesses Job with a double portion of what he lost.

You may wonder why today I am sharing this. What could Job have to do with CHDs? Well...he's just kind of a backdrop for what I want to share. Seven and a half years ago, we lost a son at birth.  It was sudden and unexpected. I pleaded desperately with God to allow me to keep and raise my son. I was not strong enough to walk the path of a grieving parent. But, God said, "No." Tucker would not be restored to us. We would commit his spirit to the Lord and his body to the ground; and Mike and I would learn to walk in faithful trust even when we could not understand.

Fast forward five years and we learned that the baby I was carrying had a severe heart defect. We were told he likely would not live. And emotionally, I was thrown back to the morning that Tucker was born. I was terrified to walk through that kind of grief again. I knew that God would carry me if that was His will for us, but I just did not want to go there. As I prayed, God blessed me with such peace. Everything would be okay. I don't mean to say that I had a sense that Jethro would live, necessarily, but just that whatever was ahead of us, we *would* be okay.

I have told Jethro's birth story here more than once, so I won't repeat it now, but know that he had a very rough time of it in the beginning. He was pretty far behind developmentally because of his initial setbacks and subsequent hospitalizations. At 6 months, he could not even hold his head up. He was probably around 8 or 9 months before he rolled over, 10 months before he could sit without support, past his first birthday before he crawled and 19 months when he walked.

As we have watched Jethro grow and develop, especially over this last year, we have taken such joy in every accomplishment, whether it's moving up to an 8oz bottle from 4oz, crawling, teasing play, or running and keeping up with the other little boys. We always find joy in the milestones our children reach. Each one for each child is special. However for Jethro, each skill is a hard won victory. Nothing has come easily for this sweet boy. And yet even as little as he is, he gives it his all. He doesn't do anything in half-measures. Once he decides he's going to do something ~ watch out! Because he's going to do it fully. The day he decided he was going to try the stairs, he didn't go up just one or two ~ he went up 2 flights of stairs!

As we were marveling at some common thing he was doing one afternoon, and cheering him on, I looked over at Daddy and said, "I wonder if we had been allowed to raise Tucker if we would have been blessed with Jethro. He's just a double portion."

I don't know how to adequately describe what it is like to watch him do such ordinary toddler things and to see them as extraordinary and even miraculous. With each milestone to be reminded that it almost wasn't. Each day with Jethro brings such unspeakable joy, I feel like my heart could burst from it. What a contrast to the shattering grief it endured when Tucker died.

There is just something special about Jethro. I believe that all of our children have a special bond with him, and even strangers, who know nothing of him or what he has been through are drawn to him.

I would never have asked to be a heart mom. It is certainly a difficult path to walk, so much to learn, separation from family, watching your child suffer and have to endure painful treatment so that they can live ~ and not being able to 'fix' it. Entering into a new world of hurt and grief. And yet, I am so very thankful for the blessing of being Jethro's Mama. I am humbled that God chose Mike and I to love and cherish and raise this remarkable little boy. I am so very thankful for this double portion.

***This year, in my awareness posts, I hope that I have helped to not only raise your awareness of Congenital Heart Defects, but also to know that while we walk an uncertain road with our heart warriors, there is normalcy, although it looks different than it did before. I want to encourage you that there is hope, there is joy...even with, or maybe even because of a broken heart.***

Suffering Part 3 ~ BFS for the Soul

Not too long ago, I was listening to Chris Fabry Live. He had a couple on who had gone through some very hard circumstances. As he was talking, giving the introduction, Mr. Fabry likened suffering to football. Often we feel like it's one thing upon another. Much like a football player who is carrying the ball, and then is tackled...he usually isn't tackled by just one player, but once he is down, player upon player jumps on top of him. This analogy got me to thinking about the BFS program, that our local school uses for their athletes. The 'BFS' stands for Bigger, Faster, Stronger. It's a strengthening program that utilizes weight-lifting, plyometrics (jumping), strength and agility training. The motto for BFS is "Be an 11". They encourage the kids to give their utmost. Don't be satisfied with being a 10, be an 11. Give it your all.

The first year our school implemented the BFS program, we saw a huge improvement in our second oldest's football game. He was the main running back for our team, so he ended up with the ball a lot. During one play of a home game, he had several guys try to tackle him, but he just kept running. I think he ended up with about 5 guys hanging on, and Levi just drug them down the field, on his way to a touchdown.

So, how does this relate to suffering? Well, if suffering is the guy trying to tackle you and take you down, then if you have been involved in a 'strengthening' program for your faith, it will be more difficult. We often want easy answers. Just give me a list to follow. Tell me the secret. Hand me the key to live victoriously. But you know what? There isn't an easy answer to faith. It's a gift from God, most assuredly, but it's also work. You have to exercise it. You have to spend time in God's word, getting to know it and Him better. You have to put forth the effort.

Levi didn't get strong enough to drag those guys down the field by wishing he were stronger. He had to get to the gym everyday and do the workout. It took determination and commitment on his part. He had to follow the program. Our faith isn't strengthened by us wishing we had stronger faith. We have to have the commitment to be in the Word and know God more intimately for our faith to be strengthened. When we enter into suffering ~ and we all will ~ we have to determine to keep our eyes uplifted and *trust* God to do what is in our best interests. But, that will be easier if we have put in our time in the 'gym' of Scripture.

Breaking those tackles wasn't easy. Levi still felt the full weight of those guys hanging onto him as he ran down the field, but, because he was strong, he was able to keep going. The play didn't end with one guy jumping on him. He wasn't sidelined by an injury. He. Kept. Going. He moved forward, keeping his eye on the prize. For him, that prize was yards gained, and ultimately a touchdown. For us, we run toward a much greater prize. We run toward Christ-likeness. We run toward glorifying God. We run toward a glorious eternity.

I don't believe we should look for suffering, but I do believe that we should see the value in it. The opportunity to 'flex' our faith muscle, and grow in grace. Suffering is going to come, will you 'be an 11"?

Suffering, Pt. 1

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

1 Peter 5:10

In our nearly 22 years of marriage, God has brought us through many trials. Some, in retrospect weren't that traumatic or significant, and others were definitely traumatic and life changing. 

We have lost four children to miscarriage, buried a stillborn son, had a son born dead (but thankfully revived!) with a severe - read: incompatible with life - heart defect, lost our home and belongings in a house fire while our youngest was in the hospital recovering from open heart surgery, and gone through over 2 years of un/under-employment for my husband. That would be the 'short list' of traumatic and life changing.

As you might imagine, I have given some thought to the topic of suffering. We live in a society that shuns suffering and tends to shun the sufferer. While we have certainly been shown a lot of love and care during our various trials, we have also experienced (and observed in the lives of others) abandonment during suffering.

We don't like to suffer. It's uncomfortable, difficult, unknown, and very often, lonely. Suffering lays bare our deepest beliefs, and, depending on what they are, either sets us adrift or anchors us more firmly. Suffering can bring us to misery and ruin, or suffering can be the catalyst for great growth, maturing and joy. 

Wherein lies the difference? How can we know which direction we will go when faced with a trial? It all depends on where (or on Whom) our faith and trust is placed. But faith alone is not enough. If our faith is not placed in the God of the Bible, the Creator God of the universe, then our faith will leave us flailing. Even then, faith without knowledge can still be of little help. If we don't know anything about the One in whom we place our trust, how can we really trust Him?

I believe a major problem within the church today is a lack of knowledge/relationship with our Father God. We say a lot of things about Him, which are true, but we don't know Him or His word well enough to actually believe those things. 

• We say, "God is trustworthy." And yet we live like He's just waiting to grind us under His thumb.
• We say, "God is faithful." But we live like He is fickle.
• We say, "God is my provider." Yet we live like the providing is all up to us.
• We say, "He will never leave us nor forsake us." Yet we live as if His presence is non-existent in our lives.

We say a lot of things that would 'prove' our faith, and yet we live our lives out practically as athiests.

Why don't we trust the One who created us? Who thought about us and our lives before time began? The One who numbers the very hairs on our head and who, according to Psalm 56, keeps count of our tossings, and puts our tears in a bottle, keeping record of them? Do you know what that means? God knows each tear you have cried and remembers what it was about. Do you? I know I don't remember every tear I've cried, but God does. That is how important you are to Him. 

Again, I ask, how can we trust someone we don't know? We can't. Not really. Until we have at the very least observed their actions, it is difficult to trust someone. If we observe them from afar, we might determine that a person is likely to be trustworthy or not (think: political leaders). If we are able to more closely observe someone and hear personal testimony of their character from someone we know, then we might determine that a person is true to their friends and those they come into contact with (think: a friend of a friend). If we are in relationship with someone, spend time with them and those that know them, then we know if they are trustworthy or not. We have personal, intimate knowledge of that person. Think about it ~ within your circle of friends and acquaintances, you know who you could call in an emergency and who you wouldn't think to call. Where my analogy falls flat is that at some point, every human, no matter how trustworthy, no matter how close your relationship, will fail you. It's inevitable. However, God will not. God never fails. 

Let me finish this with this thought. Suffering in our lives is not failure on God's part. If we are suffering, it does  not mean that God was taken by surprise, or that He somehow dropped the ball. God will have our lives glorify Him. God is interested in molding us into the image of His son, Jesus Christ. This just does not happen without suffering. 

"He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not."

Isaiah 53:3

I have also posted some thoughts on how this affects us as wives over on my marriage blog, Beneath Beams of Cedar  

Here is a song that speaks very much to my heart right now. I hope you enjoy it.

God Speaks My Love Language

Yesterday, as I was driving to town for a midwife appt, I was listening to Dr. Gary Chapman on Chris Fabry Live. They began by talking about Dr. Chapman's new book, God Speaks Your Love Language. Dr. Chapman spoke more specifically about how God speaks to us in our love language when He brings us to salvation, but as I was driving, I was overwhelmed by God's love and care for me when Tucker died, almost 7 years ago.

My love language is quality time. And the morning that Tucker died, God showed up. Physically. He knew I needed Him desperately that morning, and He was here. Where we live is almost always windy, we almost never have fog because of the wind. The morning Tucker was born was a glorious, sun-shiney day at the end of July. That morning, as friends began arriving at our home, they noticed that the house (and only the house) was shrouded in a cloud. Clouds are mentioned just over a hundred times in Scripture and all but a small handful of those times the cloud represents the presence of God. I know that God showed up here to comfort and hold me as the realization that my son was dead hit me, as I sank into the deepest grief a Mama can. As my heart was shattered into a million pieces, God was here. My precious Father, who freely gave His son, so that I could spend eternity with Him, came and spoke my love language, came and held me as I grieved.

I don't have any idea how many times I have told people over the years that God's presence was so *tangible* to me during that time. I have always recognized God being here ~ especially in that initial, horrible time. I often call it the most horrible, precious time. Horrible because we were living such a nightmare, and yet precious because we were able to lift our eyes and praise our God in the midst of it ~ surrounded by those who loved us, and encouraged us in our faith. But, until yesterday, I had never made the connection that God was "speaking" to me. That He was showing me love in the way He created me to "see" love. I am undone. To think of the depth of His loving care, for a simple woman such as I...What words can I share to express the depth of realization that came to me? They all seem so inadequate.

Psalm 139: 13-16

"For You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Psalm 139: 13-16

The question was asked today, "How do you reconcile that Scripture?" (In relation to CHDs) And here is my answer. :-)

Scripture is truth. It is God's word breathed out and written down for us. So, the reality of Jethro's heart does not change the truth of this Scripture. In fact, I believe that it magnifies the truth of this Scripture. God knit together Jethro's heart just as carefully as yours or mine. In that sense, while Jethro's heart has a defect, it is *not* defective, it is knit together just as God intended it to be. God has a plan and a purpose for Jethro and his heart, and that purpose could not be realized had his heart been healthy.

I stand more in awe of the wonderful creation of the human body now, after living with Jethro than I ever did before. What an amazing, breath-taking thing the human body is. What a beautiful balance of everything. So fragile and yet so resilient at the same time. Jethro's lungs were severely undeveloped because of the enlargement of his heart. But, once the size of his heart was reduced, his lungs grew! How amazing is that?

I see Jethro's heart as a physical picture of our spiritual hearts. Broken, incompatible with life, he was headed for death, until the Drs and surgeons stepped in and intervened. They "fixed" his heart so that it could be life-sustaining. We are born with spiritual hearts that are broken and incompatible with life ~ headed for eternal death. Until the Great Physician steps in and touches our heart and makes it life-giving ~ for eternity.

The journey of a CHD family is not easy. There are many hard moments, uncertainties, things that are just flat out unfair. Sometimes there is death. But I thank God for Jethro and his heart. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Hallelujahs

I haven't had a lot of time to think or share lately, but yesterday I took time to post some thoughts on a song I am preparing for church. So, I thought I would send you over to my other blog. :-)

Better than a Hallelujah 

Please click on over.

Happy Thanksgiving

So it's Thanksgiving.

This has been a year of many things to be thankful for. Our son, who was born dead, is alive and thriving. Our house burned, yet God's timing is perfect and we were able to keep it in perspective. Our family has drawn closer together, and we have seen God provide over and over.

I am thankful.

Yesterday, Jethro had a cardiologist appt. We were able to take him off one more med. His heart looked great on the echo, and he doesn't have to go back to the cardiologist until March ~ he said if the roads were good and we wanted, we could come back in February. :-)

I have said it before, but I want to repeat it. I am so very thankful for the Drs. God has provided for Jethro. Dr. Rick, who is never afraid to give us worse case scenario, but is also willing to spend the time answering my many, many questions. Who had the unenviable task of talking with us just after Jethro's birth and laying out our options, but was compassionate and understanding.Who made sure that we knew that Jethro's Dr.s were among those praying for him ~ what a comfort and encouragement that was!

Dr. Burg aka Sunshine, who gave us the news of Jethro's diagnosis, but always held out hope. She's been the cardiologist in both surgery's and is always on top of things immediately following surgery.

Dr. Carl, who is also very good about answering my questions, erring on the side of caution, and providing memorable quotes.

Dr. Anderson, who specializes in rhythm issues. I have been so thankful for his expertise and care when Jethro has had severe arrythmia issues.

Dr. Hrar aka Hurricane Hrar. :-) He always brings a tremendous amount of energy into a hospital room, and though we haven't seen him as much, the wisdom and experience he brings are invaluable.

Dr. Worrall, the surgeon who's skilled hands God used to repair Jethro's little heart so that it could sustain life.

I am thankful for the entire staff at NWCCHD. From the sweet gals at the front desk to the surgery scheduler, to the nurses and records  transcriptionist. Everyone has been so supportive and such an encouragement, and gone above and beyond in gettin' it done ~ no matter what the "it" is.

We are so thankful for the nurses who lovingly care for Jethro when he is in the hospital. What an outstanding group of (mostly) ladies. There are a few guys in there! They give their all, they recognize us whether they see us at the hospital or not, and it's obvious they genuinely care about the little folks entrusted to them. I have often said, I would much rather be home, but if I can't be home, there's no place I'd rather be than Sacred Heart. And I can't forget the Palliative Care staff, especially Caroline, Beth, and the social workers, All have eased the way while Jethro was in the hospital.

The therapists that have worked with Jethro. Karen, Natasha, Jessica, and Lynn. We are extremely thankful for their expertise and care. They have gotten us through feeding issues, reflux, and physical limitations...and they are sooo excited when he makes strides forward!

I am thankful for the adult CHDers, and heart parents that God has brought into my life since Jethro was born, what wonderful, precious friends they are, and I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

I am thankful that we are here, 9 months later with a mostly healthy baby, who is happy and content. Who loves his brothers and sisters, and is doing really well. :-) I am thankful for Will, Levi, Garth, Logan, Kathleen, Laura, Josiah and Ezra too. Each one is such a blessing and adds so much joy to our family. Each one is so unique and special, and I feel so privileged to be their Mama. I am thankful for my precious husband and our 21 years of marriage.

I have also found myself more and more thankful for Tucker, our son who died 6 years ago. Now, walking this journey with Jethro, I really believe part of Tucker's purpose was to prepare me to parent Jethro. I am thankful that God walked us through that deep, dark valley. I am thankful that He is faithful and true. I am thankful that He never lets go. I am thankful for all I learned of Him during that time, because it has enabled me to walk this valley in faith, hope and trust.

I am thankful that God pulled me from the mire and cleansed me. That He continues to work on me, molding me further and further into the image of His precious Son and my Savior, Jesus. I am thankful I live in a country where I can freely share that.

So, with a heart full of praise and thanksgiving, may I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours.

22 Things...

I'm not very good at keeping up with this, am I? I must admit, I consider myself a pretty thankful person, but I am finding this a bit of a challenge as well! However, I do believe it is an excellent excercise ~ and definitely should be a daily habit in our lives. That makes it sound more "chore-ish" but that is not how I mean it. It should be a joy to us to look around and see how God is blessing our lives, but it is a "sacrifice" of praise, which tells me that it isn't always easy.

That being said, here is my list of things to be thankful for today:

1. A young friend with cancer was able to come home over the weekend!
2. I had a quiet day at home yesterday (Sunday's are usually busy, busy!).
3. Snow is falling.
4. My house is closed in! So thankful we don't have open walls or windows to let the snow in while folks are working.
5. Plentiful magazines for inspiration as we decide on interior details for our home.
6. That we live where there is plentiful natural materials to incorporate into our home.
7. Snow days! Even homeschoolers get those. ;-)
8. A fussy baby...okay, I'm not thankful he's fussy, but I am thankful that he's here to fuss!
9. Older children that are helpful.
10. The love the older children have for Jethro.
11. The computer. Our phone has been out all weekend, and so my "connection" to the outside world has been my computer. It's also been a God-send in helping me to price out values on our belongings.
12. Tea! I know I have given thanks for tea already, but honestly, everyday I am thankful for tea. There is something soothing, romantic, and nurturing about a good cup of tea.
13. Medicines. I am pretty anti-med. However, I am extremely thankful for the medicines that have helped Jethro's heart to function in a way that keeps him going. Some of them have been extremely potent, scary side-effect kinds of meds, but his Dr.s have been very consciencious in how they are used with him. I am thankful that we live in a time and country where these things are available when needed.
14. Dr. Burg. She is the first cardiologist we met on this journey. She is also the one that insisted that Jethro be monitored by the neonatalagist, when the OB and the Neo decided he didn't need to be. She saved his life by insisting on it.
15. Karen ~ the wonderful US tech that did the majority of our biophysical profiles. Her alert eye and concern, probably saved Jethro's life as well.
16. Dr. Worrall. This is the skilled surgeon that has been used of God to save Jethro's life as well.
17. The gathering of the saints. I am so very thankful for the fellowship of folks who love the Lord with all their heart and encourage me in my walk.
18. My children who are so loving and forgiving. I can be so cranky sometimes, and they will turn around and love me and tell me I'm the best mom ever. May God forgive me my many, many shortcomings as a Mama and make me the Mama they need and deserve.
19. Flannel nightgowns ~ is there anything better to settle into a long winter's sleep in?
20. My king-size bed. I've been wanting one for years, but we couldn't fit it into our bedroom. Now I finally have one, and there is room for Mike and I and at least 2 children! I love it!
21. Jethro has outgrown the need for his sleeping wedge!
22. Joy in every circumstance.

Thankful for 19...

Today I am thankful for:

1. Army guys all over my floor, for that means there are little boys in my home.
2. Baby snuggles.
3. Meat in the freezer.
4. Stairs in my house.
5. The furnace guy is done.
6. Insulation is going in.
7. That God has blessed me with 9 amazing children.
8. He (God) never gives up on me.
9. My brother, Clint. Thinking of him tonight and praying for his safety.
10. That Bob loves to mess around in the kitchen ~ mess being the key word. :-)
11. Jethro's home medical co. What a blessing to have needed supplies delivered to our doorstep.
12. Jethro's nutritionist. She is another one of his peeps that is always so encouraging, and open to natural health things. I love being able to bounce ideas off of her. She is a true blessing to us.
13. Possibilities
14. Hope
15. No colds so far!
16. The Christmas contata our church is performing. It's more of a community event, with folks from various churches coming together to sing of the miracle of the incarnation. It's always a wonderful time of fellowship.
17. Warm slippers.
18. God's provision of snow clothes for the children.
19. A son willing to drive to Spokane to rescue his Mama. :-)

18 Things

Wow, it's the 18th already! Today I am thankful for:

1. Numbered bullet lists, so I don't have to keep track. :-)
2. eBay. Often when I can't find or afford what I'm looking for in town, I can get on eBay and there it is for a price I am willing to pay.
3. Instant messaging. What a great way to keep in touch with friends.
4. That we live within a few miles of my parents. I am so thankful that my children are able to spend time with their grandparents and really get to know them. What a blessing.
5. The ability to sew.
6. Snow. It's here. I wasn't quite ready for it, but one of the things I love about North Idaho is we have real seasons, and I do love snow.
7. Grocery stores and the abundance of food within them.
8. Jethro's heart. I see Jethro's heart as a physical picture of our spiritual heart. Broken and incompatible with life ~ until the Great Physician heals it.
9. The look in Jethro's eyes when he spots me. :-)
10. Cell phones.
11. That Garth didn't do more damage when he slammed his finger in the door this morning.
12. For each breath I take.
13. Ezra and how much he loves his baby brother.
14. My Grandma and the godly influence she was in my life.
15. The smell of pipe tobacco. It always brings to mind my dear, wonderful Grandpa.
16. Clear roads on a snowy day.
17. Christmas movies.
18. A baby without oral aversions!

A true Dole...double fisting it!



17 Things to Be Thankful For

Well, I've missed the last few days! I guess I'll be thankful that I've been busy. :-)

Today I am thankful for:

1. Lynn, Jethro's physical therapist. She is always encouraging, has ideas for how I can help him in his development, and is positive and upbeat.
2. God appointed 'touch points'. When we lost Tucker 6 years ago, the SHMC helicopter and crew came to our house. This last winter when Jethro was born, one of our charge nurses in the PICU was one of the crew members from that flight. I don't know why God weaves lives together in this way, but I know He has a purpose in it, and I am thankful.
3. The precious babe my dear friend is getting close to delivering.
4. French doors put in at my house!
5.  A lovely vanity with matching mirror for our master bath and 3 stained glass lights.
6. My mom. She has always been an excellent example to me, and a wonderful prayer warrior.
7. A hard working husband.
8. Grown and almost grown boys who are upstanding young men, that I really enjoy spending time with.
9. That God has blessed me with a sense of modesty ~ if you've been shopping lately, I'm sure you can relate!
10. Chubby armed hugs and sticky kisses.
11. Getting to live in a house I've wanted to live in since I was a little girl.
12. Wildlife ~ how wonderful of our Heavenly Father to bless us with beautiful critters that are good to eat!
13. Music.
14. Changing seasons.
15. Kittens.
16. My girls, who are learning to be more and more helpful.
17. Electricity.

12 Things

Today I am thankful for:
1. Baby giggles.
2. A good visit with friends.
3. The front door to the house hung!
4. Will and the things God is doing in his life.
5. Levi. He's such a nice young man, and he's going to be such a good daddy someday!
6. Garth's buck ~ meat in the freezer.
7. Logan and the way God is working in his life this year.
8. Tea ~ Where there is tea, there is hope.
9. Candles on a cold evening.
10. Mr. King's doughnuts. Yummy!
11. Rigs that run.
12. Sweaters.

Have you come up with a thankful list?

11 Things to be Thankful For

Today my thankfulness list includes ~

1. I was able to switch out Jethro's G-tube button with no problems.
2. A great staff at NWCCHD. :-)
3. Will and his willingness to help us get the house built.
4. Andie and the blessing she has been to our family.
5. My step-grandpa, who would have been 104 today. He was such a ray of sunshine. Very fun to be around and one of those people who always saw the positive in any situation.
6. The extended family God has blessed me with.
7. Friends who make contact often. Having a critically ill child is lonely, and I appreciate those who take time out of their day to see how we're doing.
8. The Food Network. We love the inspiration it provides for our kitchen!
9. My brother, Clint. Currently serving his country, away from his wife and children, ready to deploy.
10. Our vetrans. They sacrifice much, sometimes all, and I deeply appreciate it.
11. My fellow moderator's. What a wonderful group of women!

Thankfulness

Someone asked the other day how, in the midst of everything that's going on, can I be thankful without feeling saccharine sweet? :-) Let me assure you, I am not saccharine sweet!

So, here is my answer. God is always worthy of our praise and thanksgiving, no matter what is going on in our lives. It's hard to remember in the society we live in, but really, it *not* all about me. It is about God and Him glorified.

I never ignore or deny what we are going through. It's hard. To have a baby born with an incompatible with life diagnosis, to have gone through 3 surgeries and multiple hospitalizations, to have your house burn down in the midst of it, to have struggles with some of the healthy children...none of it is easy ~ most of it makes you want to hole up somewhere until a better day comes! Some of it, I have a harder time with. Why for example, does a baby, who has to have multiple IV lines, blood draws, etc., have veins that are almost impossible to get with a needle? When they do get an access line, it often blows quickly. Guess what? THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! To have to hold your screaming baby so that a nurse or doctor can do a painful procedure ~ TOTALLY goes against every mothering instinct you have, but to not be the one to hold and comfort just isn't an option either! So, I acknowledge these things. That doesn't mean that there isn't plenty to be thankful for in the midst of the trial. And sometimes I don't feel very thankful, but I look for things to be thankful for anyway.

I learned a long time ago, that being thankful helps me to keep from depression. It's not that I have never been depressed ~ I have buried a son and suffered a devastating miscarriage while in the worst of the grieving process. I do know depression. I remember telling someone that I couldn't even say I was in the valley of the shadow of death because there would be some hint of light in the shadow, I felt like I was in the abyss, totally surrounded by darkness. I couldn't see God's hand, I couldn't feel His presence. I couldn't help myself other than to lay at the feet of Father God and plead for His help. I would pray and acknowledge what I was feeling, if I was starting to believe my feelings, I would acknowledge that as sin, and then I would pray what I knew to be truth. That God will never leave me nor forsake me, that He never changes, He comforts the broken hearted, etc. It took a while, but God slowly brought me out of my depression. But involved in that process was thankfulness. I still tried to make the effort to be thankful.

Hebrews 13:15 says, "Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name." (emphasis mine) Praise, thanksgiving is a sacrifice. That means that it's not always easy, but it is always necessary. Thanksgiving isn't denying the trials and tribulations, pretending that they don't exist. Thanksgiving is a heart attitude that looks above the trials in the eyes of Father God and recognizes that He is in the midst of them along with you. It is recognizing that He is worthy no matter what.

Today is the 10th, so here is my list of 10 things to be thankful for.

1. That I live on the 3d rock from the sun. What a gorgeous place created specifically by God for His children. He created everything 'just so', so that it's perfect for life. 
2. The strengthening bonds between my children because of Jethro and his heart.
3. A thankful heart.
4. A beautiful new front door for our home.
5. 2 'new to us' beautiful dresses for the girls.
6. A godly mom.
7. A dad who is knowledgeable in so many areas and his willingness to take his grandsons alongside and teach them.
8. A crisp clear fall day.
9. A job for my Beloved that allows him plenty of time for building our house.
10. A washing machine ~ I am soooo thankful that I don't have to do laundry by hand! :-)

I hope that you will take time today to think about what you are thankful for.

9 Things...

Today I am thankful for:

*The nursing skills I have developed

*The ability to care for Jethro

*The upbringing I have had (you just do what ya gotta do)

*Jethro's cardiologists

*Jethro's thoracic surgeon

*The SHMC nursing staff

*Other heart families

*Adult CHDers

*A sweet, chubby cheeked little man named, Jethro :-)



8 Things...

I missed yesterday here on the blog, but I did have 7 things I was thankful for! How about you? How are you doing with this 'thankful challenge'?

Today I am thankful for:

*My kitchen starting to take shape. Mike has my pantry and the wall next to it framed in.

*Stairs! We have 4 flights of stairs in the house, and 3 are built.

*A Pastor that knows how to build stairs and is willing to come to our house and do that.

*Windows going in today.

*Waking up next to little boys who have 'snuck' into my bed during the night.

*The internet. So much potential for bad, but also for good! We have gotten several things for our home via the internet, and for a much better price than locally.

*The wonderful community I have found online. During a time I desperately need support and understanding, 'virtual' friends have really filled a void in my life.

*My Beloved.

So what are you thankful for today?

6 Things I am Thankful for

Today is the 6th, so that means sharing 6 things I am thankful for today.

*Blue skies in November

*Weather warm enough for the children to play outside

*Quiet

*Dirty dishes ~ cause it means there is food to eat and loved ones to eat it!

*A beautiful, new-to-me sweater for fall/winter

*The opportunity to give an answer for the hope found within me. :-)

So, what are you thankful for today?



5 Things to Be Thankful For

Today I am thankful for:

*Outstanding Dr.s and nurses who have cared for Jethro over the last 8 months.

*A home that is being built through God's provision

*A safe football season

*Perspective

*Meat in the freezer



What are you thankful for today?

Being Thankful in November

I am thankful everyday. :-) God is so very gracious to me and my precious family, I can't help but be thankful. However, there is a challenge going around on Facebook to be thankful for something everyday in November. Well, I'm here to up the anti! I challenge you to find the same number of things to be thankful for as it is the day. So, today is the 4th, find 4 things to be thankful for. By the end of the month, you should have a big ol' list!

One of the best ways I have found for staying out of depression or for avoiding pity parties is to look to my Father in thankfulness. It's hard to be down when you are counting your blessings.

So today, I am thankful for:

*Little boys with BIG stories!

*Garth Tyree who is 16 years old today

*Time spent with my Beloved this evening

*A warm, snug home on a chilly morning

So, what are you thankful for today?

Worship Wednesday ~ What Grace Is Mine

I first heard this song last year shortly before Resurrection Sunday. I totally fell in love with it. Keith and Kristyn Getty have a way with words that encourage a worshipful heart.

This song has a lovely, gentle rhythm to it, and the words are beautiful. It speaks of deep and wonderful truths. God calls through the dark night to find our distant soul, mercy from His scars that pleads for me, He gives us hope that never dies, my soul soars beneath His wings ~ My Savior lives and reigns FOREVERMORE!

I take bow my heart, take up my cross and follow Him.

Oh Lord, may this be the reality of our lives, and not just words we sing.