Yesterday, as I was driving to town for a midwife appt, I was listening to Dr. Gary Chapman on Chris Fabry Live. They began by talking about Dr. Chapman's new book, God Speaks Your Love Language. Dr. Chapman spoke more specifically about how God speaks to us in our love language when He brings us to salvation, but as I was driving, I was overwhelmed by God's love and care for me when Tucker died, almost 7 years ago.
My love language is quality time. And the morning that Tucker died, God showed up. Physically. He knew I needed Him desperately that morning, and He was here. Where we live is almost always windy, we almost never have fog because of the wind. The morning Tucker was born was a glorious, sun-shiney day at the end of July. That morning, as friends began arriving at our home, they noticed that the house (and only the house) was shrouded in a cloud. Clouds are mentioned just over a hundred times in Scripture and all but a small handful of those times the cloud represents the presence of God. I know that God showed up here to comfort and hold me as the realization that my son was dead hit me, as I sank into the deepest grief a Mama can. As my heart was shattered into a million pieces, God was here. My precious Father, who freely gave His son, so that I could spend eternity with Him, came and spoke my love language, came and held me as I grieved.
I don't have any idea how many times I have told people over the years that God's presence was so *tangible* to me during that time. I have always recognized God being here ~ especially in that initial, horrible time. I often call it the most horrible, precious time. Horrible because we were living such a nightmare, and yet precious because we were able to lift our eyes and praise our God in the midst of it ~ surrounded by those who loved us, and encouraged us in our faith. But, until yesterday, I had never made the connection that God was "speaking" to me. That He was showing me love in the way He created me to "see" love. I am undone. To think of the depth of His loving care, for a simple woman such as I...What words can I share to express the depth of realization that came to me? They all seem so inadequate.